Unperturbed

Why am I here?
What should I do?
On this cushion

In all directions 
There is resistance 

Recursive attachments
Overwhelm

To shed fear of failure
Decondition perceptions, expectations, comparisons

Bad meditation 
Deepens clinging
Good meditation
Deepens skill

Food eaten
Impacts thoughts thought 
Consume (wholesome) concentration

Zero yourself out
Flush the stress
Step into the discomfort

Lean back
With patience and persistence 
There’s peace through the turmoil

Quiet mind
Can do root cause analysis

New wirings
From compost of old
Experiences vary logarithmically
Keep chipping away

Maintain continuity of awareness 
On the outbreath

Aim concentration 
At the center of the body 

Rooted to the earth
Anchored in space time
Tighten the aperture
Remain in the slot
Where body is ambiguous

Body is energy
Wave and mist
Feel the cosmic wind

Discover the subtle pleasure

You fear defeat
Because you’re attached to victory
Do your duty
Indifferent to victory or defeat
There's no question of happiness or sorrow
The mind is unperturbed 
This is karma yoga

Tightrope

Mind’s influence is subtle 

Consciousness is a filter

Deep attachment to the body

Deep aversion to aging, illness, death

Am I lovable?

When the bar is high

Deficit is default 

Scarcity mindset prevails

Confronting body changes

Confronting mortality

Anxiety cloud

Another layer to let go

I am enough 

I am worthy

I deserve it

Open up

Remain open

Broaden space between pleasure and pain

Stay in between resistance and clinging 

Middle way

Don’t resist the pain

Face and embrace 

Settle into the eye of the storm

Meditate from the inside out

The body breathes

Not all thoughts are created equal

Develop skillful fabrication

Kitchen body

Chef mind

Concentration food

Drink in the now

Walk the tightrope of a-tension 

No tension no growth

All it takes is pressure and time

Subtle

Starting again
It’s hard to detach

Indulging in thoughts
Why are you fabricating?

You’re not a robot
Life isn’t an optimization problem

Comparison is futile, illogical
Like waves in an ocean
We are all separate
We are all one

Trace the fear
Trigger the attachment
Observe the sensation
Train not to react

Immerse in the subtle energy currents
Raw, deconditioned life force
Carve a core space inside
For clarity, freedom, lightness

Let go of the rail
Drink in the discomfort
Dive into the deep end
Let it sheet off

Kick up the dust cloud of thought
Watch it dissipate
Get underneath
Get real

Indulge in life
Without addiction

Body

Walk the tightrope

Indulge in reality

Avoiding addiction

Consuming the finest food

Absent eating disorders 

Pride without ego

Conviction without craving

Comparing is distracting

Realit-y is realit-ive

Cut through the fog of unreal

Think the thoughts you want

Don’t think the thoughts you don’t want

Do the work

Leave the drama

Slacken the jaw

Feel full body energy 

Stay right here

No matter what

Short-circuit the round trip

Remain local

Feel the pristine life force

Observe how the body breathes

Chitta of an arahant is empty

Perform wholesome, skillful, pious actions

Abstain unwholesome, unskillful actions

Keep purifying the mind

Healthy Distance

Be relentless

Ambitious

Passionate

While free from addiction to reality

From fear, frustration, tension

For the reality-desire mismatch

To curiosity

For how it plays out 

Fly too close 

To the sun and you’ll get burnt

To the truth and you’ll get liberation 

Kick the unskillful habits

The truth shall set you free

Cause, effect

Skillful, unskillful

Noble truth

Cease fighting

Soften your approach

Each moment 

Not resisted

Is embraced

As a new, productive unfolding 

Leverage the opportunity

Unfiltered

Non-judgmental 

Objective

Observation

Not preaching to the choir

Is appealing to your best self

Maintain healthy distance from reality

Hit the brakes

Untangle

Remain backstage

The body is a mist of sensations

Sit back and let the thought storms carry away

Observe the negative atomic space

In the deep end, without rails

Swim in sensations

Unanchored

Annicca annicca annicca

This is all there is

Present

Head dominated identity
In your head
The head dominates

Habits can oppress
Robotic, consistent determinism can trap
False sense of control

Judgment of apparent self
Is habituated by judgment of apparent other

Suffering is universal
Because of universal addiction to reality
Addictive thoughts distract

Disaggregate external noise
Amplify the internal, local
A foot in both leads to weak concentration

Let your guard down
Discover contours
Open up narrow awareness
Unclench the sensational blinders
Take the cleansing breath

Deepen the refuge
Solidify the inner sanctum

Pleasure and pain
Pleasant and unpleasant
Clarity and delusion
Waves and layers

Love
Is connection
Is energy flow
Is change

There’s only energy exchange
Animate with awareness
Feel the life force

Break the shackles
Of expectations and perceptions
From self, others, others toward self
Redefine your identity
So they don’t matter

Shed
Shoulds
Supposed tos
Compared tos
Need tos

Success is not promised
I am enough

No reservation
In iron chain of causality
For doubt
Victimhood
Ego
(Primitive)

Complement causality
With curiosity
Virtue
Wonder
(Refined)

Present
Isn't adversarial
Nor an obstacle
Embrace it as
Opportune
Abundant
Inevitable

Rewire
Desire for control
To desire for liberation

Transform the present
With attention
Into perpetual heaven
Or perpetually experience hell

Every ending is a beginning
Evolve from tolerance to embrace
Enjoy the process
That’s all there is

Impermanence

Fear of failure 
Fear of perception of failure
Full of fear

Aversion to insecurity, uncertainty, discontinuity
Attachment to outcomes
Attachment to control 
Compensate through habits
Control is an illusion

Ego sustains attachment to control
Smaller the ego
Smaller the insecurity 
Smaller the delusion of control
Reduce the surface area of attachment
Annihilate the ego

No I
No me
No my

External perceptions as ephemeral as internal thought
You can’t have the baby
Without the labor pains
Ego's antidote is impermanence

Recognition starts with the gross, physical
Progresses to the subtle, mental

Trace the arising thought
Identify the physical sensation signature
Reveal the addiction

Anicca, anicca, anicca

Observe the fundamental self
As consciousness
In context of impermanence 
Dissolve the ego 
Dissolve the self

For peace and release
To the subtlest level
Immerse in

Surrender to
Take refuge in

Inhabitat
Impermanence

Detachment

Thought circles
Thought prisons

It’s not your leg
It’s your head
It’s not that
It’s you

Get out from under
Stand aside
Redirect tension from shoulders
To wheelbarrow
Tai chi for the mind

Widen awareness
Feel sensation through non-sensation
Deepen observation
Paint with a lighter brush

Finite yet porous
Local yet expansive

Gross to subtle
Subtle to gross
Solid to fluid
Permanence to impermanence

Happiness to peace
Peace to truth
Truth to liberation

Light a torch of sila
Cut through the fog of unfolding

Inoculate from fear
Identify its six sense signature
Awareness to cease aversive reaction
Equanimity to repeat patiently and persistently
Destroy attachment

Destroy addiction to apparent reality

Balance acceptance and creativity

Detachment
Is not cessation of care
It's cessation of stress

Detachment
Is not disengagement
It's productive participation

Untangle, and
Don’t, ever
Look away

Fearlessness

Observe the body
To anchor to the present
Observe body in space

Seek what’s there; reality
Not what’s nowhere; fabrication

No problem is bigger than six inches

Observe what’s real
Not what’s not

Self talk is self deception
Language of truth is silence

You are not your thoughts

Progressively,
React
Observe and react
Observe and react less intensely
Observe and not react
Observe and respond

Train the mind
To recognize pathological habitual thought patterns
And edit them

Progressively,
Stillness

Silence
Awareness
Impermanence
Detachment

Train the mind
To identify impermanence of physical experience
And not attach

Root of fear is attachment
Dependence on
An outcome
Plus recognized lack of control

Detachment is fearlessness
Independence from
All outcomes
Plus your best effort

Keep faith in the path
Stay inline with the Law of Nature
And there is nothing to fear

Sanctuary

Body is pure sensation
Sensations are product of the mind
When we observe body
We observe mind

Sensitivity varies
By quality of mind
If a tree falls...?
Observe self and it's clear

Shed illusion
Anchor in hereness, reality
Brick by brick
Build a sanctuary in your mind

Breath leads to body awareness
Observe the body through the breath
Observe the body breathe

Breath in for nourishment, vitality, life force
Breath out for healing, simplification, stillness
Savor the breath

Abstain from unskillful foods
Uncertainty
Perceptions and judgements
Control

Absorb skillful foods
Stillness
Reality
Wisdom

Stop seeking peace of mind
Start seeking peace from mind

Stop being ruled by sensations
Dwell in your sanctuary
And be free

Control

Disturbance
Tension
Anxiety
Stress

Chest pounding heartbeats
Skin on scalp creeps
Stomach feels unease
Hard to sleep

Fear of
Uncertainty
Insecurity
Isolation
Instability

Conflict

Addicted to
Perceptions
Approvals
Control

With control nowhere to be found

Instead
Don't catastrophize
Seek context
Your little problem isn't the end
Don't waste life being anxious or depressed
About what will never happen
Or isn't real

It's nothing personal
Not everyone must like
Or respect you
At all times

Don’t consume unskillful foods
No one can take your inner sanctuary
Keep faith in the Path

Let it go
Take it day by day
Keep it moving
Don't focus on uncertainty
Stay confident
Don't second guess yourself

Control is an illusion

Aware

Be alert!

Be attentive
Be vigilant

Don’t drowse
Wake up!

Don’t browse
Come back!

Reality is crisp, vivid
Mind fogs, dulls, distorts

Thought traps work like spider webs
Catching you invisibly under your knows

Flex, don’t clench
Be on edge, lay back
Dictate the action, let it come to you

Tune in to your limbs
Rest in your chest

Patient persistence triumphs delusion

Soft-observe form, subtle stirrings

Discard distracting layers
Keep letting go, keep letting go

Be aware!
And remain

Mind, Body

To understand reality
Understand what is mind
And what is body

Mind is doing
Body is being

Mind suffers
Body pains

Mind is "I"
Body is flesh and bones

Mind meditates
Body is observed

Mind is in past, future
Body is in present

Mind chatters
Body stirs

Mind has stories
Body has sensations

Mind plans
Body surrenders

Mind emotes
Body warms

Mind gets carried away
Body carries weight

Keep it real
Find peace of mind
With the body

Retreat Inward

A quiet mind is fleeting
Thoughts flash
Can't recall the last
Or ones before that
Sit an hour
Can't observe twelve straight breaths

A ship tethered to the docks
Is in the sea
But it is not sailing
It is not free

Persist
Unclench
Let go
No judgements
Only curiosity

Get below the fray
Frivolous sensational games
Continuous reactivity, indulging ignorantly
There's little peace
And much suffering

Observe meta thoughts
And dodge self sabotage

Invert your awareness
From outside looking in
To inside observing out

From held in place
To suspended in space

Subtracting movement with agency
Only compelled activity remains

With quiet mind,
Still body
Retreat inward

Core

Retreat inward
From edge to core
Invert your awareness
And find liberation

At the edge of consciousness,
Thoughts are indulged
Ignorantly
From the core,
They are beheld
Objectively

At the edge you hear sounds
From the core you hear silence

From the core
Observe heart's beat
And sensation waves passing
Reject time
Melt your dimensions
Blend dream, thought, and form

Narrow your consciousness
Achieve freedom through small
The space starts narrow
Like a underground burrow it expands
With time, familiarity, and skill

Retreat and be ultra still
Invert your awareness
Dwell from the core
It's right here
O yes! Here it is

The Real

Editor's Note: Originally written April 2016

The Real

You ask, what is Real?

I ask, do you have the courage to find out?

Do you have the relentlessness?

If you plunge your head in a river,
holding your breath, burning your lungs,
Do you want to know as badly
As you want that breath of air?

Can you tell what is Real?

Is it monkeys pounding on the metal roof,
Or the throbbing fear stalking from your limbs?

Will you find it below the defilements,
peeling back layer after layer,
like a snake molting its skin?

Do your nightmares not make you startled?

Do your fantasies not make you aroused?

Can you tell what is Real?

Restlessness or relaxation
Agitation or perseverance
Pain or purification

To know what will prevail,
Understand what is Real
And what is not

No Mind

Editor's Note: Originally written April 2018, this poem was partially inspired by this classic movie scene

No Mind

Too many minds
Mind on relations
Mind on work
Mind on fear
Mind on pleasure
Too many minds

Not every thought the mind serves is worth something

Why is thought-ful the status quo?
Why counter thought with thought?
When feeling small, remember you're vast, unique
When feeling big, remember you're a universal speck
Too much thought

I have another way:
No mind

It's existence, not merely dwelling in existence
Not watching a swimmer in a vast clear blue ocean
It's plunging in yourself

No internal dialog
No evaluation
Just being with a capital B
No mind

Drop Into Reality

Drop Into Reality

Drop into reality,
Join the fray
Leave your baggage
Release your stories
Don't fuss about the spade,
Just start tilling!

Join the fray,
Any time

Sensations are impersonal
Sensations are a-senseless
Don't bring your calendar,
Your time is a fear
A silly sail
In the vast ocean of Consciousness
Where karmic waves
Connect countless lifetimes

Drop in,
Right now

What Am I?

What am I?

I am not my anxiety;

it does not define me

I am not my TODO list,

or the tasks I accomplish each week

I am not defined by what I do or feel!

I am not my fears or failures

I am not my dreams, my growth, my pleasure, nor my pain

I learn, I grow, I rise, I fall

I'm something else

Something more?

What am I?

Everything?

Nothing?

Instrument?

Insignificant?

I am a collection of particles

My feet on the Earth, 

my particles mingle with all other particles

I am connected

No "I", no "me", no "my"

Observe and learn to accept; 

don't get too involved

My doing is only for myself, no one or nothing else.

Breath calmly, try to make peace

What am I?

That is the question.

Football Freestylez

The 49ers beat the Bears this past Monday night. Nimo is a Bears fan, and is also a rap legend. He and I often communicate in freestyles. Over the weekend we had a battle over email.

Before the game I wrote him and Shweta (Bears fan by default) a rap titled "Get Your Game Face On":

Candlestick is the site
for a battle under the bright lights of Monday Night
Two behemoths clash,
it's not your typical cat and mouse pounce and dash
It's rather,
a grizzly-azz BEAR lurking looking mean
huntin a bearded man-pan-handlin for gold near a stream
This will be the test for A dot Smith
Is he the real deal or is he a stiff
will he stand tall or will he flee
or will he drop a seed for randy MOSS growin on the Crab-APPLE-Tree
Urlacher? More like the Hurt Locker
Put the fear of God in you like a FACEBOOK STALKER (Shweta)
It's a test-est for two of NFC's best-est
At the end we'll see who's made of steel and who's made of asbestos
As for me? I say it's the Bears who are gonna need a medic
Because the NINERZ got Gore and I'm not talking the Indian sweet that makes you a diabetic
Frank the Tank, the new Garrision Hearst
Wears you down with has feet pounding and is prone to burst
down the line in a fix he goes for six
leaving defenders in the dust wondering how he made that twist
He's strong, the Ninerz strong, it's gonna be DA BOMB
Sooooo, all I gotta say is,
YOU BETTA GET YOUR GAME FACE ON

After the game Nimo wrote back in response:

Wow, what can i say,
whether its neils freestyle
or how the niners played
its like gold, but in 2012,
and thats straight,
1849 was just another date,
they takin it across
the new millenium
from jim harbaugh
to amitabh bachenum,
all i can do is be humble in my ways
a poor bears fan, who just sits down and prays
that things brighten up through these winter days
because hibernation tends to be in our ways
but we'll change, i got hope and i know,
it ain't over till the last whistle in the superbowl
so don't count us out like all the analysts
on espn, cuz thats our catalyst
to grow, change, evolve and burst
and bring back that defense that had that thirst
and in the end we'll see who ends up in first
until then any given sunday is the way it works!

in deep humility,
bears fans 

Sports and rap are two of my passions. Combining them is highly delightful. I envision an entire genre of literature ("Sports Freestylez") where fans, professional athletes, and rappers battle with each other. You got a Football Freestyle in you? I'd love to see it in the comments.