Beautiful Day

I had a hall of fame birthday last Thursday. It started in the morning with Surya Namaskar and an hour of meditation with Nimo and Anji. Roshan kindly cooked a homemade breakfast of powah and sprinkled sev. There were grapes on the side. Mom called and sang me Happy Birthday in a very sweet way, I wish I recorded it. Jay and Dad sent their wishes as well.

I was instructed by Anji to cancel all work-related appointments in the afternoon for some surprise activities. Nimo and I left the flat and met her and Jose at MS. I was blindfolded and led into a rickshaw. Anji lost her chapals and in Gandhiji style wanted to leave them for the lucky prizewinner. But we circled back and they were still there. Throughout that great day the bounces went our way.

We took a long rickshaw ride and after a while of trying to track it I got disoriented. We crossed a bridge, but there was no traffic so I had no idea where we were going. When we got out I was led up some stairs, I thought we were entering a mandir. Then we passed a security checkpoint and entered a large A/C cooled room. Definitely a mall. But that was all I could deduce because by then Nimo had tied a mobile phone playing music over both of my ears. It was a wild experience hearing two different songs at once like that, like you're at the club and the DJ's mixing a transition that never completes.

We got to where we needed to go and I sat for a while waiting, still blindfolded. Then I was given some heavenly banana-flavored juice through a straw. I got confused thinking I was back at someone's house because it tasted like one of Nimo's homemade smoothies. But then I was led through some corridors and into a room and asked to lie down on a bed. When I took off my blindfold I found myself in a massage parlor!

Jose had gone to this place at Alpha Mall earlier and had raved about the massage. I had never gotten a professional massage, so I was curious. It was really awesome. The misuse was incredible. It was a full body massage. I had to strip down into some disposable underwear and this woman was touching me intimately, but I lost the shyness after she started loosening my calves and shoulders. She went neck to toe. I wanted her to focus extra on my right ankle, right groin, and shoulders, three problem areas for me in recent years. But after an hour session she had worked so hard, I felt it was selfish to ask her to do more. In general I felt awkward about the experience because there is a lot of taking and no giving. But I walked out feeling great. I really wanted Nimo to get a massage, he would love it.

Then we went for lunch at Creamer's in Prahaladnagar and did brain teasers on the menu while we waited for our food. I felt 13 years old again, which is always great on your 31st birthday.

Then we headed back towards home and I told the friends I wanted to stop by the office. When I approached I notice the shutter was down, which was odd, but I didn't think much of it. Then I opened the shutter and was met by a loud CRACK! firecracker. And the Awaaz.De team came out and surprised me. The office was done up very elaborately, a huge leap forward decoratively from what we had for Chirag's birthday. We cut a Ferrero Rocher cake and hung out for a while. It was great, I really appreciated the team's spirit.

From there I went to Ba's house and cut the third cake of the day with Ba and Gita phoi. First thing I did when I came in was touch their feet and get their blessings, which they gave. I got emotional hugging Ba, which was unexpected. I just love her a lot. Especially since Jay was here, I have come to understand, respect, and love her much more.

We chit-chatted for a while, and then I headed over to Seva Cafe for the last stop of the day. The AD team and other friends were going to serve dinner that evening. Little did I know but the entire menu for the evening comprised of my favorite foods. Anji and Roshni had done some background work with Jay to include some of my favorites. We had tacos with refrained beans, fresh pico de gallo and sour cream; pasta; mexican rice, khichu, FBI without the ice cream. I was a little embarrassed because I have the food tastes of a 13 year old. But again, that's good on 31.

There was live music by Sandeep and one of the guests serenaded me with a song in a semi-awkward moment. The 4th and final cake was cut in a special ceremony. Shital and I teamed up to make tacos in the back all evening, after some time we were really approaching Taco Bell efficiency. It was hard work since we were behind on orders the whole night, but people couldn't get enough of those little delights. The shells we used were called tacoz shells and pictured chef Induben giving the standard stiff Indian mean look photo face. We served 56 guests. At the end of the night after the volunteers staff had cleaned up and ate dinner, I gave each one a small Tulsi plant as their goody bag.

It was a fantastic evening. I went home and meditated to complete the day in style. It was a full and fun day. Most precious was the time with friends who have come to be family. I look back on my 31 years and feel most fortunate for all of the great friends and love I'm surrounded by. You all are truly my wealth.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
-- Maya Angelou

Meltdown

Last week I had a mental meltdown. The night before, I got locked out of my apartment. I had my keys, but the door was jammed and wouldn't open. I called my landlord, who was indifferent. He couldn't be bothered by it, saying that I should just jiggle the key or find someone local to fix it. I am a hassle-free tenant, I never call him about problems. So if I'm asking for help now, shouldn't he assume it's a real problem? Plus I had a flight to catch the day after, so I needed to get into my house asap. Eventually he agreed to send a locksmith over the next day to have a look.

The next morning I went to the office early because we were launching an email campaign and had to get it ready on time. Roshni and I were doing final tweaking when I got a call from the landlord saying a locksmith was coming to the apartment. I couldn't be there, but MAM had a key so could the man just grab the key from upstairs? No, the man will be confused so better to have Madhu bring the key down. Odd request, but I called Madhu to ask him to help out. He always picks up his phone, but this morning he didn't. I called Meghna, but she also didn't pick up. I called both again, still nothing. Madhu texts he's in a meeting, but Meghna was home to give the key. But she typically is not near her phone because she's taking care of Reva.

Not able to get a hold of her, I thought about quickly leaving the office to meet the locksmith. Unfortunately there was a rickshaw driver strike that day so no driver was willing to take me. Then I tried calling Mom to see if she could go instead, but she wasn't home and also wasn't picking up her phone. I called the landlord back to say I couldn't get a rickshaw. He said there isn't a strike, there should be no problem getting a ride. So now he was calling me a liar. I told him to ask the locksith to get the key from Meghna upstairs, it's a simple thing to explain.

Meanwhile we're scrambling to get the email campaign ready. I get another call from landlord saying that the locksmith had gone up to get the key, but Meghna didn't give it to him, not knowing who he was. So the locksmith is now gone and I should not waste the landlord's time and to figure it out on my own.

This is where I lost it. All of the things that went wrong, combined with the fact that had even one of the series of things gone my way (Meghna picking up, Mom picking up, no rickshaw strike, the landlord caring, the locksmith calling before he took off, etc.), the worse case scenario would have been avoided. That with the fact that the landlord was being a jerk, basically calling me a liar, giving me a hard time for something that was his responsibility, the time-sensitive work at the office, the general frustration of being locked out of your place for a reason beyond your control, all of it combined made me totally flip out. I yelled at the landlord and stomped around my office, feeling pissed and helpless and dejected.

Eventually things calmed down. Later that day the door got fixed, the office work got done on time, and I later caught my flight. That same day I went to an office next door to ours, which belonged to an Uncle who ran an architecture firm. I had heard from Narendra that the Uncle's eldest son had recently passed away from an unexpected heart attack. I went up to pay my respects. Uncle was in his cabin with his younger son, who had come from Australia. I shook hands with both and sat in silence with them for a while. Both of their faces were dominated by an unmistakable striking look of utter shock. They were both looking at a reality that they couldn't fathom or accept. We talked a bit about nothing at all. I still remember Uncle vividly, whose eyes and mouth were painted thick with grief, sketching idly on a white paper with a black pencil as we sat in silence.

Meltdowns don't do anyone any good. They are a personal failure; all the time I invest in being a mentally resilient person are wasted if I can't be balanced when put to the test. Giving in to meltdowns tie deeper and tighter mental knots and set a precedent for future meltdowns. They also show a lack of perspective. Here I was getting bent out of shape over an incident that will be inconsequential in a few days time. It's a drop in the ocean of my life experience. Meanwhile there are much bigger and deeper challenges that I and others face. And finally meltdowns plant seeds of suffering in others around you.

What's the upside?

Artiben

Artiben is mine and MAM's cook. A few years ago, Artiben's husband Prabhatbhai was in MAM's house doing some handiwork. He overheard Madhu and Meghna discussing how they needed a cook. Prabhatbhai said his wife Artiben was available, though she was young and had no experience. MAM gave her a shot; it was one of the best decisions they ever made.

Under the tutelage of Meghna and Mala Aunty (Meghna's mom), Artiben honed her craft. At the beginning she was raw talent, burning things and putting too much salt or oil. But soon she developed the fundamentals, then started making signature dishes. By the time she started cooking for Nimesh and I, she was making a wide range of nashtos, many excellent shaaks, and a couple very good daals with her special touch. But her most unmistakable ingredient is love.

Artiben has a very kind and caring nature. She quickly became close to all of us, especially Meghna who considers her a sister. Artiben cooks for the group of random strangers that come to MAM's for our weekly meditation gathering. Most in her position would raise issue with cooking for non-family members, at least demanding more pay for the extra work. But Artiben flipped the script. Moved by the concept of people coming together in the spirit of inner development, Artiben takes a vow of silence once a week, and quietly pours extra love into Wednesday meals. It's her way of joining the circle, and every week we take a moment to thank her for her contribution.

While Artiben has meant a lot to us, she has meanwhile transformed herself and her family's entire trajectory. After starting to work, she gained not just skills but tremendous confidence. Her husband was an alcoholic who sometimes wouldn't provide for the family. With her own income, she took over the family finances and established stability. She was driven to do whatever it took to get her two sons Aakash and Ama the best education to provide them the best future. As she saved earnings, she began upgrading her home. A few years ago, it was no more than an alleyway between two other houses in her slum community. Her first investment was a waterproof roof. Then she tiled the entire floor area. Then she added a cooking platform, and then a cooking gas and stove (a really big deal in her community). Most recently, she bought a locking chest for household storage. A house literally built with her hard work strength and perseverance. Even Prabhatbhai has been positively effected by Artiben's example. He's come out of his drinking issues and even joined for Wednesday meditation a few times.

Last night Artiben invited me, MAM, Reva, Mala Aunty, and Meghna's brother Chinmay over for dinner. Artiben had planned it for a week, and had spent the whole day preparing the meal and her home. We entered the home greeted by burning incense and welcoming smiling faces, and sat on a carefully scrubbed floor. Aartiben cooked all special dishes: puri, batetu shaak, chole, pulao, and khir with vermicelli. There was no question she was going to go all out for us, but for a family of such modest means, it was beyond a generous offering. As is customary, Artiben and family did not eat until after we left. So we all ate, chatted, and watched Reva play with her best friend Aakash. We commented on how amazing the home looked, and Maddog and I marveled at Aartiben's kitchen which was organized so well to maximize the little space she had.

It was a real joy to spend this evening with Artiben and her family. She is such an inspiration to me, and I'm so proud of her. It is a blessing to be a part of someone's life, even in a small way, who is succeeding despite the odds. I'm especially grateful that she has brought a positive spirit into our households. Often in India there is tension between residents and their domestic help. Underlying the tension is class divide and lack of mutual respect. Thanks completely to Madhu and especially Meghna, we have been able to shatter those barriers with Artiben. We have complete trust in her, and she in us. Beyond trust and respect, there is genuine caring and love, and a recognition of opportunities for mutual learning. She is truly a family member, and serving her is as important as her service for us.

Thank you Artiben, for being a daily inspiration to us.

Football Freestylez

The 49ers beat the Bears this past Monday night. Nimo is a Bears fan, and is also a rap legend. He and I often communicate in freestyles. Over the weekend we had a battle over email.

Before the game I wrote him and Shweta (Bears fan by default) a rap titled "Get Your Game Face On":

Candlestick is the site
for a battle under the bright lights of Monday Night
Two behemoths clash,
it's not your typical cat and mouse pounce and dash
It's rather,
a grizzly-azz BEAR lurking looking mean
huntin a bearded man-pan-handlin for gold near a stream
This will be the test for A dot Smith
Is he the real deal or is he a stiff
will he stand tall or will he flee
or will he drop a seed for randy MOSS growin on the Crab-APPLE-Tree
Urlacher? More like the Hurt Locker
Put the fear of God in you like a FACEBOOK STALKER (Shweta)
It's a test-est for two of NFC's best-est
At the end we'll see who's made of steel and who's made of asbestos
As for me? I say it's the Bears who are gonna need a medic
Because the NINERZ got Gore and I'm not talking the Indian sweet that makes you a diabetic
Frank the Tank, the new Garrision Hearst
Wears you down with has feet pounding and is prone to burst
down the line in a fix he goes for six
leaving defenders in the dust wondering how he made that twist
He's strong, the Ninerz strong, it's gonna be DA BOMB
Sooooo, all I gotta say is,
YOU BETTA GET YOUR GAME FACE ON

After the game Nimo wrote back in response:

Wow, what can i say,
whether its neils freestyle
or how the niners played
its like gold, but in 2012,
and thats straight,
1849 was just another date,
they takin it across
the new millenium
from jim harbaugh
to amitabh bachenum,
all i can do is be humble in my ways
a poor bears fan, who just sits down and prays
that things brighten up through these winter days
because hibernation tends to be in our ways
but we'll change, i got hope and i know,
it ain't over till the last whistle in the superbowl
so don't count us out like all the analysts
on espn, cuz thats our catalyst
to grow, change, evolve and burst
and bring back that defense that had that thirst
and in the end we'll see who ends up in first
until then any given sunday is the way it works!

in deep humility,
bears fans 

Sports and rap are two of my passions. Combining them is highly delightful. I envision an entire genre of literature ("Sports Freestylez") where fans, professional athletes, and rappers battle with each other. You got a Football Freestyle in you? I'd love to see it in the comments.

Diwali Postcards

A few memories from Diwali 2012 that I'd like to capture:

Jay left back for home on Diwali day, Nov.13th. On Sunday night me, Hasit, Shital, Shweta, Charmi, and Joserra had a farewell dinner for him at "The Burrito", one of Ahmedabad's few Mexican restaurants. Hasit asked Jay to give a pre-dinner and post-dinner speech. As Hasit said, he wanted Jay to do it specifically because it's the last thing Jay would want to do. And he didn't. Instead we went around the table and said one thing we liked about Jay. I said I liked how good Jay was about keeping accounts and bills in order at Awaaz.De. It sounded lame, but Shital inferred the deeper meaning: Over the course of the past 9 months, Jay has done many large and small things that have had an influence on me and our company. Some of then, like our accounting, flow below the surface and so they go unnoticed. It's once you go beneath a bit do you see the kind of work and impact he has had on things.

Over these past 9 months, I was most impressed by Jay's adaptability. He came to a country that is very hard to adjust to. The food, the air, the people, the way of conducting business and everyday interactions. The first time you spend extended time here, you are really just trying to survive till you can finally go back home. At least that was how I was when I started coming. But Jay got in, and though he had his share of difficulties, he went beyond surviving to thriving. He adjusted as well as you possibly could, getting to a comfort with this place in a few months that took me years to get to. Living with Ba was its own huge adjustment. To live with her peacefully, you have to fully surrender to her schedule, way of eating, sleeping, and cleaning. Jay did all that without complaint and on the other hand developed a healthy respect, love, and admiration for Ba's way of living. That's not ordinary people stuff.

The night of Jay's flight, he stayed in my apartment to have a quick ride to the airport. We hung out with MAM till 11pm, his rixa was coming at 1:30am. So we set the alarm and went to sleep for a couple hours. Only I woke up at 6:45am and Jay was gone. No "can you help me bring down my bags?", not even a goodbye. Just left with no fuss, and let me sleep. That's vintage Jay.

I spent Diwali with Ba at her place. The night before I had been anonymously tagged with rangolis and diyas in lovely decoration in front of my apartment door. I decided to pay the rangolis forward and do the same for Ba. She was resistant at first, but we got a couple compliments from neighbors passing by so she let me do a second one. She also liked the floating rangoli that Chiragbhai's wife made. So there was a bit of festiveness to the house decor. There was also 24 hour fireworks that ran throughout the night. It was mind boggling because they continued the next morning when it was light out and you couldn't see them.

Las memory hasn't been made yet. I type these words as my last task before going into 2.5 days of silence and meditation. Thanks to Meghna for taking care of my food while I sit at home. Thanks to my family for supporting me in all ways to get me to this moment in my life. Thanks to you all for reflecting light in your own ways in your own lives. Like so many millions of little Diwali diyas dancing outside my window.

Hypocrisy

Me: I'm going to get a car for myself. As soon as I get an Indian license, I will.
Joserra: That's great. Why not a motorcycle?
Me: I think it's too dangerous. But the biggest thing is I ride rickshaws around now. It's fine, but I want something that protects me from the pollution. It's horrible here.
Joserra: So you'll get a car, which will keep you away from the pollution but pollute on everyone else?
Me: [No response]

Andria's Drive

Couple months back, out of the blue I was copied into an email thread between Vandana didi and a girl I had never heard of named Andria Caruso. Andria was from the US and had organized a clothing drive in her community for our football program. Details were vague, and since I had no idea who Andria was and wasn't aware of this clothing drive, I was a little skeptical about the whole thing. What could a single random girl with no tangible connection or communication with the soccer program actually do? But I got in touch with Andria in deference to the golden rule of MS: shut up and accept that there are magical connections you can't see or know.

One day Andria mails me with a long list of items she had gathered through her clothing drive. Here's the snippet directly from her email:

WHITE JERSEYS:
33 Medium
11 Large (wears small)
1 X-Large

NAVY JERSEYS:
34 Medium
17 Large
1 X-Large

NAVY SHORTS:
22 Small
29 Medium
19 Large
23 X-Large (You may not want all of these)
Also, there were some shorts where I could not read the size.  There were 25 of these.

NAVY SOCCER SWEATSHIRTS:
unfortunately, these are rather large.
4 Larges
5 X-Larges
1 XX-Large

NAVY TRACK SWEATPANTS:
9 Small
2 Medium
5 Large
3 X-Large

VOLLEYBALL SWEATS:
Pants:
2 Small
7 Medium
3 Large
1 X-Large
Jackets:
2 Medium
1 Large
8 X-Large

NAVY SWEATS (LIGHT MATERIAL)-wear small
Jackets:
4 Small
9 Medium
3 Large
4 X-Large
Pants:
3 Small
5 Medium
6 Large
2 X-Large

SHINY GOLD TANKTOPS: (Cheerleading)
4 Small
7 Medium
5 Large
2 X-Large (I am assuming these are too big)

CHEERLEADING NAVY PANTS:
5 Small
6 Medium
3 Large

WHITE BASKETBALL SHORTS: (RATHER LONG)
4 large

CHEERLEADING ITEMS:
10 longsleeve cheerleading tops (sizes are in numbers)
5 navy cheerleading tank tops
1 white cheerleading tank top
1 small jacket
2 men's tops
6 skirts (sizes are in numbers once again)
1 set of skirt + tank top

CLEATS:  (all in men's sizes)
7 Pairs- sizes: 10.5, 9.5, 4.5 (youth), 4 (youth), 3 (youth), 8.5, 11
INDOOR CLEATS:
3 Pairs- sizes 3.5 (youth), 4 (youth), 11
1 Pair of Tennis Shoes- size 5 (youth)
1 Pair of regular shoes- size 5

SOCCER SOCKS:
40 pairs

RANDOM:
2 DCDS Under Armor T-Shirts

The following are items I collected from family's of my school.  The items are either gently used or new.  The sizes range from young children to teenagers.
10 Jerseys
5 Shinguards
15 Soccer Shorts
15 Soccer T-Shirts
1 Soccer Warm-Up Jacket
1 Pair of Sweatpants (light material)

I also was able to collect some clothes for younger children.
16 T-Shirts
3 Dresses
1 Jersey + Short
9 Shorts
6 Outfits

I was shocked. So much stuff! From one person across the world! The thing that struck me was the combination of the sheer amount of stuff gathered and how unexpected and unlikely it was.

Andria arranged to ship four boxes of the equipment to us last month, mostly soccer jerseys and shorts. The boxes came neatly taped and the clothes carefully folded and organized into ziplock bags. The kids went wild:


We distributed one jersey and shorts combo to each of the players. For some, the fit wasn't great. But everyone was smiles. These kids were previously playing with barely one outfit, and they were running those clothes ragged.

Yesterday I finally got in touch with Andria over the phone to get the full story. Andria is a freshman at the University of Michigan. She is interested in studying medicine to be a doctor so she can work in underprivileged countries, perhaps India or somewhere in Africa. Her sister Julia had volunteered with MS in the slum community last summer and connected her with Vandana didi. Andria asked how she could help. In general she has a passion for service, and was a member of the community service club at her high school. Vandana didi gave some options. Andria liked the soccer program because she plays herself and doing a clothing drive at her school was already on her mind. She knew they had so much gently used equipment just lying around, and there was a group already starting one up, so it was a no-brainer.

The clothing drive lasted 2 weeks. She set up boxes in three local schools, and then stuff started coming in. Focussed on procuring athletic equipment, she talked to her school's sports equipment manager who was more than happy to send over soccer jerseys and shorts that were left over and unused from last season.

When I talked with her, Andria was very humble about what she was doing. I was really inspired that she decided to do something in such a generous and anonymous way. Lot of people do service for the recognition or pat on the back or more. Andria had never met our children, nor even been to India. It was reasonable for her to believe that her contribution would largely go unrecognized in India and back in the US. But she acted anyway out of the kindness of her heart and genuine desire to make the children smile. Consider that mission accomplished. Here's what the kids had to say:


 
Our football program continues to grow stronger week by week. The children are improving so much and their love for the game has gotten deep. Last week we watched a match between Manchester City and Real Madrid. The match didn't have a goal for the majority of the game, but 5 goals came in the last 20 minutes. Whereas even a few months ago the boys would get restless watching such a match, waiting for "action", this time they patiently watched and appreciated the fundamental aspects of the game: spacing, passing, communication. Recently we introduced the concept of triangle passing and its fundamental role in possession play. Now they pointed out triangles forming everywhere on the field. They don't need a goal to enjoy what they are seeing. This is real maturity in how they relate to the game.

We also had some first-time children join practice last week, and the difference between them and our veteran players is stark. They have improved so much, I didn't even realize it till I saw them along side the first-timers. Being reminded of where they started, having no experience whatsoever with the game, learning from scratch, to where they are now, it made me so proud.

All the credit goes to Rahulbhai and the other coaches, who have committed so strongly to these kids and the game. It's a real joy for me to be a part of.

One challenge we continue to face is space for practice. These kids badly need an open grass ground where they can properly play. The Ashramshalla can no longer support their growing skills. They need open space to play the game fully, to shoot, make long passes, and run in open space. Right now the space is literally holding down their wings in developing those aspects of the game that require a full field. Last week Rahulbhai informed me that the Ashram has even sent a written request that the children are not to play beyond the immediate area from Manav Sadhna. So even as our program grows, our space to play shrinks. This is a huge concern.

We are trying to resolve this issue by transporting the kids to Kahaani, but that has grown difficult as we often are unable to get the MS bus to take us. The permanent solution is to set up a ground dedicated to football locally near the ashram. This was the original vision of Football Action, but the timing wasn't right then. Now it is clear that we need a space. This would take significant effort and money, so we will need help.

I was talking to Andria about raising additional funds for some immediate needs for the children: shoes (some are still without, others have worn theirs down to nubs after playing on dirt), balls (we only have a few, and are always in danger of losing them due to poor fields), and medical supplies (these kids play hard, and do get injured). But longer term, we will need the field, and we should look to raise funds for that.

Good news is that these kids are locked in and committed. I love that we don't have to ask them to play; they have developed their own passion for the game, they play because they love it. We have practice every Sunday, but most of the kids play on their own every day. And not just games, they actually run drills we do in Sunday practice. Commitment to improving their skills. At the end of our 5-6 hour Sunday practice they are still begging to play another match. The kids that come from Jamalpur, a slum on the other side of the city, wake up at 4am every Sunday morning to catch a bus by 5 that gets them to Ashram by 6 for 6:30am practice start. It's just incredible dedication.

That's what keeps me and the other coaches going for these kids. Not being able to let them play on a proper pitch regularly is what's really burning me at the moment. Every week that we aren't able to let these kids practice the way the need is a loss in my eyes and heart.

But of course we look to the MS golden rule: shut up, jump, and trust the universe to provide the (soccer) net.